Christmas Isn’t Cancelled!

The UK Government has developed a habit of handing out contradictory and baffling advice during the Covid crisis. Take the official Christmas advice as an example. It’s basically this: (I am paraphrasing slightly):

 

I’ve been scratching my head over this. I’d like to see my wider family this Christmas, but I don’t want to see them so bad I’d kill to do it, at least not kill them – it seems kind of counterproductive. So I developed my own, extremely cunning plan…

Those of you paying close attention will remember I thought I had Covid back in March. I certainly had the symptoms, as did my young kids (Maria never gets ill, she’s like a rhinoceros). I realised therefore, if we’ve all already been exposed to the disease we’re incredibly unlikely to get it again, and hence we’re probably pretty safe to go visiting this Christmas without killing anyone.

I should caveat here. I’m not an epidemiologist and I could have things mixed up – my government is doing its best to bamboozle me after all. But I was happy with the reasoning, so set off to book myself a Covid Antibody Test (the one that says if you’ve had it, not if you’ve got it.) I figured there was a good chance it would show positive, and then I could follow part one of the Government advice without being blamed if part two happened. I then very bravely turned up, held out my shaking hand to the scary nurse with the enormous needle, and muffled my screams as she hammered it in. I then proceeded to lick my wounds, in a covid-secure way, in the waiting room – until I got the result.

Negative.

Darn it. So it turns out that either I didn’t have the pesky virus back in March, or the antibodies have buggered off since, meaning I’m just as likely to get it again. And hence just as likely to catch it before Christmas, and then go spreading it all around and killing people.

Hence the headline. I thought Christmas was cancelled. But then I remembered – I’m an idiot. Or at least a terrible businessman. Christmas isn’t cancelled, not the good part, not according to my mega-excited children. There’s still presents. Which brings me, in a very roundabout way, to the point of this email.

Christmas isn’t cancelled, and I have a really fantastic present idea for anyone needing to buy something for children aged 2-5 – be they direct offspring, or grandkids or nieces or nephews. And in my post Covid-test-gloom, I almost forgot to do what every other business on the planet is doing right now, namely desperately trying to flog their stuff in time for the ‘magic of Christmas morning’. So if you’ve got children to buy for – please allow me to recommend something that isn’t mass produced in China, isn’t made of horrible plastic, and doesn’t beep in a really annoying way: It’s a genuinely lovely book called: The Hole in Casey’s Garden.

And I can actually say it’s beautiful without compromising my trademark British modestness, because I didn’t do the difficult bit, the illustrations. However I did write the story, and that’s brilliant too! (Don’t believe me? You cynic, but you can hear it here and make up your own mind.)

Best of all, if you’re in the US you can get the hardback edition, which is also a beautifully made physical book, and really would make a great gift. The paperback also reads exactly the same, but it doesn’t have the same heft, if you know what I mean… (There have to be some benefits to being American these days.)

There. That’s my Christmas hard-sell done for another year!

And just to conclude, I’m still not sure if I’m going to go visiting this year. I am genuinely confused, but whatever you’re planning I hope you have a good one. And don’t kill anyone!

 

Gregg

Ps, nearly forgot: to buy the book: